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What are your favorite movie and television quotes?

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What are your favorite movie and television quotes?

Postby JennyS1138 » Wed Aug 16, 2006 4:29 pm

My favorite movie quotes:

Back to the Future:
Doc: "Who's President of the United States in 1985?"
Marty: "Ronald Reagan."
Doc: "Ronald Reagan, the actor? Who's Vice President, Jerry Lewis? I suppose Jane Wyman is the First Lady and Jack Benny is Secretary of the Treasury!"

Doc: "I suppose that in 1985, plutonium is available at every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by."

Star Wars:

Obiwan Kenobi: "Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?"
"I've felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices screamed out in terror and were suddenly silenced."
"You've taken your first step into a larger world."

Princess Leia: "If money is all you love, then that's what you'll receive."
"Into the garbage chute flyboy."
"Will somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?"

Darth Vader: "The circle is now complete, when I left you I was but the learner now I am the master."
"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

The Empire Strikes Back:

Yoda: "Try not. Do, or do not, there is no try."
"Size matters not. Look at me, judge me by my size do you?"
"Looking? Found someone you have I would say."

Princess Leia: "I love you."
Han Solo: "I know."

Han Solo: "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"

Darth Vader: "Apology accepted, Captain Needa."
"I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it any further."
"I am your father."

From television:

Friends:
Ross: "Hurricane Gloria didn't wreck the porch swing, Monica did."
Monica: "Ross hasn't worked at the museum in a year!"
Ross: "Chander and Monica are living together!"
Monica: "Ross and Rachel got married in Vegas and Ross got divorced. Again!"
Phoebe: "I love Jacques Cousteau!"
Rachel: "I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle."
Joey: "I wanna go!"
Mrs. Gellar: "That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds."

Roseanne:
Jackie: "Oh, people rob liquor stores all the time. I slept with Arnie!"
(while high) "Am I in the sink, am I shrinking?"
"Mom, I'm pregnant. I slept with a guy I hardly knew and we had sex for hours. I'm going to keep the baby and if it's a girl I'm going to name it Gidget."

Roseanne:
"You know I consider myself a good judge of people which is why I don't like none of them."

Darlene: "DJ's finally got a friend that's not imaginary."

Dan: "When's it my turn? When do I get my PMS?!!!"

24:

James Heller:
"Spare me your 6th grade Michael Moore logic."

Chloe:
"I was inappropriately blunt, I do that a lot."
"What's with you and the breathing, is that your solution to everything?"

Chloe: "I thought when I killed him I was going to go all fetal position, but I didn't feel anything. I hope I'm not a psychopath."
Edgar: "Maybe after a few days you'll freak out."
Chloe: "I hope so."

Chloe:
"OK, when the alert level goes down, and the terrorists have been caught, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets."

Sarah: "Why are you so impatient with everyone?"
Chloe: "Not with everyone, just you. Now please, go away."

after Chloe came out of the bathroom....
Miles: "What are you doing?"
Chloe: "What?"
Miles: "What are you doing?"
Chloe: "Are you kidding? If you'd like the details, I'll write you a report."

Chloe: "I hope you don't get hurt Kim."

Erin Driscol: "Alright, you're done here."
Chloe: "Whatever, I was going to quit anyway."

Mike Novick: "He's in good hands." (referring to David Palmer, played by the Allstate guy)

Nina: "Jack, he's going to kill me and then he's going to turn the gun on himself."
Jack: "Don't worry, we won't let him turn the gun on himself."
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Postby krf100 » Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:05 pm

I've been thinking on this and I believe my answers would change from day to day.

One of my favorite movies of all time was "The Muppet Movie." (Yes, I'm really a granddad) That movie was chock full of great lines.

Rowlf: Women, stay away from 'em , that's my motto.
Kermit: But I can't.
Rowlf: Me, either, that's my problem.

From TV, the favorite line I can think of right now is from "Monk".

Woman: Mr. Monk, do you lie awake at night and think of ways to embarrass my husband?
Monk: No, Ma'am. I lie awake at night and try not to think.
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Postby Vorotyntsev » Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:41 pm

"One shot." - The Deer Hunter

"More human than human is our motto."
"All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
-Blade Runner

"I'm the King of Hearts!"
-King of Hearts

"To the Moon, Alice." - The Honeymooners

"I hate spunk." - Mary Tyler Moore Show

"So far up your ass."
"He's got a .22 caliber mind in a .357 world."
"I've been down here before and I know the way out."
-The West Wing
"Jamming gaydar is not a federal responsibility."
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Postby missbitesalot » Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:59 pm

Taxi Driver: "Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets."
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Postby ArtVark » Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:20 pm

From "Lion in Winter"

Eleanor: I adored you. I still do.
Henry II: Of all the lies you've told, that is the most terrible.
Eleanor: I know. That's why I've saved it up until now.
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Postby Charles Matthews » Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:21 pm

Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky."
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Postby themanwho » Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:03 am

"He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature... and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection... they find only death... fire... loss... disillusionment... the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself. "

-It Conquered the Earth
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From Sports Night

Postby IndySOG03 » Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:33 am

From Sorkin's pre-West Wing days:

Casey: It's a vicious circle.
Dan: Yep. Just keeps going around and around.
Casey: Never stops.
Dan: That's what makes it vicious.
Casey: And a circle.


Jeremy: Fire me.
Isaac: What?
Jerem: You heard me, I want you to fire me.
Isaac: I'm not going to fire you.
Jeremy: I'm a terrible worker, I'm the last to arrive and the first to leave.
Isaac: You're the first to arrive and the last to leave.
Jeremy: And don't you think that's a little strange?
Isaac: Yes.
<pause>
Jeremy: I'm a racist.
Isaac (who is black): Jeremy...
Jeremy: I am, I'm a terrible racist. I think all those people with the funny accents and weird skin color should go back to wherever they came from and leave this country to the people who rightfully stole it from the Indians... which they deserved.
Isaac: Jeremy...
Jeremy : I'm serious, this country is being ruined by the blacks and the Jews.
Isaac: You're Jewish.
Jeremy: And I have to be stopped.

And one other, this from Cheers:

Sam: What'll you have Normie?
Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
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Postby Homo Duplex » Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:24 am

This may not be word for word, but it's close, and I laugh every time I think of it.

From Kingpin: Roy Munson asks a local drunk 'How's life', the drunk's reply: 'Takin' forever'.
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Postby ecurbh » Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:47 am

Fargo is full of personal favorites.

Carl: "I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. I'm not gonna sit here and debate!"

Gaer: "Where's pancakes house?"

Marge: "I'm not sure I agree with you a hunnerd percent on your police work there, Lou."

Marge: "So I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper."

Marge: "Aw, Norm, you got Arby's all over me."

Marge: "Oh for pete's sake, he's fleein' the interview!"
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Re: From Sports Night

Postby Ken Jennings » Thu Aug 17, 2006 11:41 am

IndySOG03 wrote: <pause>
Jeremy: I'm a racist.


That was my all-time biggest Sports Night laugh right there.
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Postby Vorotyntsev » Thu Aug 17, 2006 12:44 pm

missbitesalot wrote:Taxi Driver: "Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets."


You talkin' to me?
"Jamming gaydar is not a federal responsibility."
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Postby gameshowcongress » Thu Aug 17, 2006 12:57 pm

In conversation among friends, when something comes up that is a minor benefit, we always quote the last bold line

Bill Murray as Carl Spackler in Caddyshack - this was reportedly ad-lib dialog:

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."
So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
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Postby rkd » Thu Aug 17, 2006 1:50 pm

Ah, Sports Night ... any of 100+ quotes would qualify, so I'll pick the very first lines I saw of the show when I happened to turn on Comedy Central one day ...

[after making a presentation for his son's class]
Natalie: What did you do?
Casey McCall: I did what I do, Natalie. I did what I do.
Dan Rydell: You screwed up your romantic life in front of fifth-graders?
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Postby IndySOG03 » Fri Aug 18, 2006 7:39 am

rkd wrote:Ah, Sports Night ... any of 100+ quotes would qualify, so I'll pick the very first lines I saw of the show when I happened to turn on Comedy Central one day ...

[after making a presentation for his son's class]
Natalie: What did you do?
Casey McCall: I did what I do, Natalie. I did what I do.
Dan Rydell: You screwed up your romantic life in front of fifth-graders?


As I'm sure you know by know, those lines are infinitely more funny after watching the prior episodes. I hate that Sports Night was canceled so soon, but the DVD set of the series is one of the best entertainment purchases I've ever made.

A few more for good measure:

Dan: At this point, the length of this conversation is way out of proportion to my interest in it.

Natalie: Dana, stop sacking Dave.

Casey: Alyson, do you know I speak four languages?
Dan: You speak three languages.
Casey: I speak four languages.
Dan: You speak French, Spanish and German.
Casey: I dabble in a little English.
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Postby mshray » Fri Aug 18, 2006 8:30 am

I love the fact that this thread turned into a Sports Night homage. My favorite:

Isaac: Let me add, Dana, that things I say in my office stay in my office.
Dana: Natalie's my, my second in command. She's the only one I told.
Natalie: Jeremy's my boyfriend. He's the only one I told.
Jeremy: I told many, many people.
It's the cool before the warm, the calm before the storm.
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Postby WendellWit » Fri Aug 18, 2006 4:37 pm

Some Babylon Five-isms:

Lorien: Only those whose lives are brief can believe that love is eternal. You should embrace that remarkable illusion.

G'Kar: The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

G'Kar: There are things in the Universe billions of years older than either of our races. They are vast, timeless, and if they are aware of us at all, it is as little more than ants and we have as much chance of communicating with them as an ant has with us. We know. We've tried and we've learned that we can either stay out from underfoot or be stepped on. They are a mystery and I am both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the Universe, that we have not explained everything.

Delenn: I will tell you a great secret. Perhaps the greatest of all time. The molecules of your body are the same molecules that make up this station and the nebula outside, that burn inside the stars themselves. We are star stuff. We are the universe made manifest trying to figure itself out. As we have both learned, sometimes the universe requires a change of perspective.

Vir Cotto: Prophecy is a guess that comes true. When it doesn't, it's a metaphor.

Sinclair: You should never hand someone a gun unless you are sure where they will point it

Ambassador Londo Mollari: Ah, our household gods. In a world where every day is a struggle for survival, you need all the gods you can get.

Molari: How does it feel to make history?
G'Kar: You do not make history. You can only hope to survive it.

Zathras: Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life... probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry.

Zathras: No one ever listens to Zathras. Quite mad, they say. It is good that Zathras does not mind. He's even grown to like it.

Zathras: Everyone always coming to Zathras with problems. Great responsibilities. But Zathras does not mind. Zathras trained in crisis management. But only Zathras have no one to talk to. No one manages poor Zathras, you see. So Zathras talks to dirt. Sometimes talks to walls, or talks to ceilings. But dirt is closer. Dirt is used, through everyone walking on it. Just like Zathras, but we've come to like it. It is our role. It is our destiny in the universe. So, you see, sometimes dirt has insects in it. And Zathras likes insects. Not so good for conversation, but much protein for diet.

Mollari: Only an idiot would fight a war on two fronts. Only the heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts.

Sinclair: Who asked you to play God ?
Dr. Franklin: Every damn patient who comes through that door, that's who! People come to doctors because they want us to be gods. They want us to make it better .. or make it not so. They want to be healed and they come to me when their prayers aren't enough. Well, if I have to take the responsibility, then I claim the authority too.

Dr. Franklin: This is the kind of conversation that can only end in a gunshot.

Molari: What you are asking could be considered treason.
Lord Refa: Or the first step in restoring our people to their rightful place in the galaxy. Depending on who writes the history books. I think it will be us.

Susan Ivanova: Our gun arrays are now fixed on your ship and will fire the instant you come into range. You will find their power quite impressive... for a few seconds.

Susan Ivanova: It's a Russian thing. When we're about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference.

Susan Ivanova: No boom today... boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow.

Delenn: If you value your lives, be somewhere else.

Marcus Cole: I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.

Sinclair: Sleep well?
Ivanova: Sleeping is not the problem. Waking up -- that is a problem. I've always had hard time getting up when it's dark outside.
Sinclair: But in space it's always dark.
Ivanova: I know, I know.

Dr. Franklin: I can give you something for the pain.
Ivanova: Great, *now* you can give me something for the pain. Where were you when I was going through puberty?

Ivanova: I'll gain weight!
Dr. Franklin: Well, briefly, yes.
Ivanova: Figures. All my life I've fought against imperialism. Now, suddenly I *am* the expanding Russian frontier.
Dr. Franklin: But with very nice borders.

Garibaldi: Thin air? Why is it always thin air? Never fat air, chubby air, mostly-fit-could-stand-lose-a-few-pounds air?

Sinclair: Ready?
Delenn: Why is it that your people always ask someone if they are ready right before you are about to do something massively unwise?
Sinclair: Tradition.

Cotto: I thought the purpose of filing these reports was to provide accurate intelligence.
Mollari: Intelligence has nothing to do with politics.

Mollari: I think I will stick my head in the station's fusion reactor. It would be quicker. And I suspect, after a while I might even come to enjoy it. But this -- this is like being nibbled to death by... what are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet... go 'quack'...
Cotto: Cats.
Mollari: Cats. Being nibbled to death by cats.

Cotto: As Mr. Garibaldi would say, it's been one hell of a day.
Lennier: Yes. A hell of a day.
Cotto: And a hell of a year.
Lennier: A hell of a five years.
Cotto: Hell of a life.
Lennier: You win.

Brother Alwyn Macomber: Faith sustains us in the hour when reason tells us that we can not continue, that the whole of our whole lives is without meaning.... Faith manages.

And Ivanova's Babalon 5 Mantra, transferrable to anyone who needs to have ultimate authority:
Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. *And*, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out!
(the first time she said this, after the person she was addressing left, she looked upward and said: Just kidding about the God part -- no offense.)
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Postby Professor John » Fri Aug 18, 2006 4:59 pm

I heard the "I" word...did someone summons me?
Obviously oblivious and Proud of it. Using only half of my IQ just to keep it fair.
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Postby WendellWit » Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:05 pm

Depends. Are you planning on fighting a war on 12 fronts? Or in 12 threads? If so, there will definately be BOOM tomorrow.

Which of the following should I make my new sig line?

---

No one ever listens to Wendell. Quite mad, they say. It is good that Wendell does not mind. He's even grown to like it.

---

This is the kind of conversation that can only end in a gunshot.

---

Wendell is always right. I will listen to Wendell. I will not ignore Wendell's recommendations. Wendell is God (on days that Ivanova takes off). *And*, if this ever happens again, Wendell will personally rip your lungs out!
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Postby Professor John » Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:09 pm

Ahhh...are we feeling sorry for ourselves today. Poor little sarcastic guy.

I will listen to you Wendell...you can be right as many times as you want to be.

Here...HUG!
Obviously oblivious and Proud of it. Using only half of my IQ just to keep it fair.
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Postby Professor John » Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:10 pm

WendellWit wrote:Depends. Are you planning on fighting a war on 12 fronts? Or in 12 threads?


How did you know? My gosh! My secret is out!!!
Obviously oblivious and Proud of it. Using only half of my IQ just to keep it fair.
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Postby ninjapirate » Sun Aug 20, 2006 9:13 pm

Let's see; I think mine could change, too, depending on whether I need a good comeback, or whether my brain function is up to enough speed that I can recall them, but here are a couple or so:

Boondock Saints--
    Why don't you make like a tree and get the *%@# out of here?

    That one, and the whole rope conversation is great.
Raising Arizona--
    " Balloons! Do they come in funny shapes?"
    "Ayup, if round is funny."

The cow herding song from City Slickers--
    Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Round em up, ride em in, get em up, get em dressed, comb their hair, brush their teeth, Rawhide! ,etc. etc.


Gee, these are kinda crude. Sorry I don't have more refined taste in movies. That's probably why I find them funny, because that's not the kind of stuff I would come up with. And now that we have dissected why they're funny, they're not funny any more. ( Oh, wait. yes, they are. )
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It Came from Outer Space

Postby egomet_bonmot » Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:22 pm

My favorite quote is from "It Came from Outer Space":

"Did you know that more murders occur at 92 degrees Fahrenheit than any other temperature? Lower temperatures people are easygoing, over 92 it's too hot to move but just 92, PEOPLE GET IRRITABLE !!!!!!!"
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Postby sidnelle » Wed Aug 23, 2006 7:40 pm

From The African Queen, Katherine Hepburn to Humphrey Bogart: "Nature, Mr. Alnut, is what we were put here to rise above!"

From The Producers (original film) Zero Mostel pointing to a Hippie Dick Shawn: "That's our Hitler!"

From This is Spinal Tap, Christopher Guest telling Rob Reiner what makes his amps so special: "These go to eleven"

From Caddyshack, anything muttered by Bill Murray

From Late Night With David Letterman: "there is no off position on the genius switch"
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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Postby drispw » Thu Aug 24, 2006 4:31 am

From Taxi (the TV show):

(during the written test for a driver's license)
Rev. Jim: Pssst! Alex! What does a yellow light mean?
Alex: Slow down.
Rev. Jim: What..does..a..yellow..light..mean?
Alex: Slow Down!
Rev. Jim: Whaaat.....doooes....aaa....yeelllooww....liiiight....meeean?

Taxi (part ii):

Rev. Jim (while working as a door-to-door salesman): Hello Mr. or Mrs. Fill in Name of Couple, my name is Your Name Here, but you may call me Nickname
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